The war and conflict is all over the news and social media, this can bring with it feelings of fear. It’s natural for children to look to their parents/carers for a feeling of security and safety when times are scary.
Find out what they know
Start by seeing what they already know. Find a time that the conversation can happen organically, and your child is more likely to talk freely such as during dinner or, for a lot of children, this can be during a car ride. Tell them that they may have heard about what’s happening and ask them if they have any questions. Make sure they know you are there to answer any questions they may have and try not to dismiss any of their fears.
It’s a good idea to find out where your child has heard things as youngsters can easily absorb information from multiple platforms including TV, snippets on the radio or from their peers at school. This gives you a good opportunity to reassure them land possibly correct any misinformation they’ve picked up.
Most importantly, be open, honest and clear.
Stick to age-appropriate facts
All children have a right to know what is happening in the world but being surrounded by upsetting images can make children feel as though they are caught up in the conflict even if it’s thousands of miles away. Young children can struggle to separate images on the news from their own reality – seeing the devastation of a hurricane on the news can make a young child fearful for the safety of their own home for example.
Consider looking up answers together on child-friendly news sources such as Newsround, twinkl News Room or The Week Junior. Older children/teenagers might need reminding that not all information on the internet is reliable and encouragement to to use reputable news organisations such as the United Nations, BBC News or First News, a weekly newspaper for 7–14-year-olds.
Dr Aliza Pressman says “When you can’t answer a question, acknowledge it. These are complicated questions that are an opportunity for critical thinking, investigation, and the acceptance of a reality where we don’t always have answers.”
Give them time
Be sure to pause and let any information sink in to see what your child might have to say/ask. Your child may or may not be interested or show any emotion or they may be silently worrying so it’s important to tell them so that they don’t pick up on any anxieties. Please don’t forget that children take their emotional cues from the adults around them so whilst it’s only natural to feel sad or worried by what’s happening yourself, try to be mindful of your facial expressions, tone and consider whether you might be passing on any of your own fears.
Reassure them that you care and are there to answer any of their questions or talk about their feelings/fears whenever they want to. Children can have adverse reactions to such events so be sure to keep checking in over coming days.
Stick to your routine
Even if things are far away, a feeling on uncertainty can manifest and it’s vital that we stick to existing routines to keep everything as stable as possible for you and your child.
You might want to consider limiting the amount of news you consume whilst your children are around as well as the way you discuss such events with other adults while they’re around – little ears pick up far more than we realise after all.
Do something to help
Fred Rogers once said of tragedy, “When I was a young boy and I would see scary things in the news my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people helping.’”
It is important that children know that people are helping one another so take this opportunity to highlight the good deeds that are taking place. Find positive stories in the news and if you can, why not look in to how you can send aid? Perhaps your child would like to donate some items that are required by refugees or would like to raise money for one of the aid organisations on the ground? Not only does this help a child to spread kindness, taking positive action can help teach compassion as well as offer some comfort.
A lesson in prejudice
Any conflict can bring with it some prejudice and discrimination and Guernsey is not immune to this happening. When you’re talking to children, be careful not to use emotive language labelling anyone as bad or evil for example, and instead try to focus on showing compassion for the families forced to flee their homes.
Take this opportunity to remind them that everybody deserves to feel safe at school and in our community and that any form of prejudice is wrong – we all have our part to play in showing kindness and giving support.